It's okay not to be okay. Right?

I hate dealing with matters of heart. I am fickle-minded, but I don't want to be fickle-minded over love too. I want to be certain about the things I'm doing, the feelings I'm having. Remember how we used to be? Although we don't know each other for long, but I think you knew me inside out. You even used to care, used to love me dearly, used to treasure what we've. Now? Ha ha ha.

I remember your silliness, I remember how we started talking through Facebook because I don't have a phone. When I want to end the conversation, you just kept continuing. I never once admitted how boring your topics you used to be, they always leave me speechless and I've got no idea what to reply but I'll still crack my brains to continue a conversation so dead. Then we started texting, then slowly you started calling me to tell me about your whereabouts and we'll talk on the phone every night because only listening to each other's voice then we could fall asleep. But now? 

You get tired easily, you'll sleep at certain timing but yet you don't mind staying up late at night to talk to me or wait for me to finally get to bed. Now? You'll complain about how tired you're, you'll choose sleep over me. I should have known I'm never once your first priority, but I never once mind. I just dislike knowing the fact that I'm receiving lesser and lesser love. The promises you made, I still hold on to them but never once reminded you about it. 

When I'm hungry, I can't cook. You called and said you wanted to cab down to cook for me, haha. I used to find it ridiculous, but now I find it sweet. Too bad, I should have cherish the moments when you're nice to me. Partially my fault. All those little things you said/do, I remembered them clearly. Like how you used to remember what I say. Well, I know you don't give a fuck to what I say now, it's alright. When I talk about this effortless relationship, you make me feel as though I'm not understanding enough. Okay fine, I'll see how long I can go. Perhaps when I stopped loving and left, you won't realize or probably don't care. 

You've no time for me, so don't say I've got no time for you. You don't care about me because you're too busy, you don't even have time to text me, haha. Okay can, I feel how busy you're already. From today onwards, I'll live my life like the past, like before I met you. I'd be the strong girl I used to be, I won't let this relationship affect me anymore. We'll be better off without each other.
Goodbye, love. Thanks for everything you once did.

I guess I would get bored of my life.

Having really boring life recently. I guess things will get interesting in the later days! I've no idea also, just felt so. Need to work real bad, fucking company let you hang on high hopes then walao never call back one. Abit pekchek leh. I still tell Crystal about my big dreams, I told her I want to take up 3 jobs and then earn $4500 a month. Hahahaha then she keep say I lanjiaowei. :( But I really want alot $$$ what!

O'well, that means I'd be working my waitress job till I've got a better lobang. Supposed to accomapany Laykwan to interview today, but she went off without me because I'm too tired to get off my bed. Tomorrow, I'll be booking my working schedule. Sigh, confirm tired.
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Came home by 1am yesterday. Then showered and finally get to sleep, then guess which asshole woke me up? Vernice. *roll eyes* Seriously I've never seen anyone as annoying and troublesome as her, she called me to gong wu gong bo about a fight that broke out at Rebel. Okay can, then I just "Ok" "Wow" then her phone battery finally died and that means sleeping for me.

Went Gym in the morning. Okay, Laykwan and Eamonn and me supposed to meet like 11am? But okay, seriously but I didn't mean to be a slow poke, I'm really exhausted and I think I almost dozed off waiting for the bus. The bus took like forever to arrived then nevermind, I'm really abit pissed with myself, I sat on the bus and after 2-3 stops, I realized I maybe took the right bus but at a wrong direction so I gave Laykwan a call and when she asked me to alight, I already reached Punggol Interchange. -___- Ha ha ha seriously retarded or retarded?

Then I sat the right bus this time but almost alighted at the wrong stop because I was day-dreaming. I've seriously no idea what I'm doing. I need to find one day to go around Singapore and explore and not to get lost hahahaha. Eamonn said I'm stupid, like this also lose my way. *pout*

Was supposed to work out but didn't had any feel to gym, slacked at the sofa crapping with Eamonn. He also loser please, Wilson and Ahdai so hardworking then he keep complaining about how tired he is and how much he wants the sofa to be his. Haha, Wilson, Ahdai and Eamonn went off to eat, I think? Laykwan and me continue to stay in the gym will 2pm then walked to her house to accompany Laykwan's mummy to see doctor! *wink*

I also quite filial what, no? Hahaha. The clinic kind of far and it's raining! Laykwan thinks it's slippery because of her slippers, so guess what I do? I exchange one with her, hahaha I think we're trying to be funny but okay la, at least she won't slip! But that fucker never repay kindness with kindness one, she keep kicking puddles of water at me then we played in the rain, hahaha I think Laykwan's mommy bth us. Auntie very nice, she said I'm quiet and gentle, but this Laykwan must spoil my image, tsk. She made Auntie buy cig and I smoked at her house, *pull face down* Awkward! Waited for Laykwan to finish preparing then cabbed over to my house.

Okay, I'm supposed to take awhile only but Dad and Bro decided to be funky yesterday. Bro took forever singing in the bathroom and when he's out, Dad took forever styling his hair. Showed Laykwan the videos Crystal and I took to keep her entertained while I use maximum speed to shower, haha. Laykwan said Dad's handsome, looooool. And she trying ways to angkat my mom, she wanted to ask me if she should call Jiejie/Auntie, bth lol.

Bused to Punggol and met Brian, Eamonn, Zhequan, Gerald and Wilson at Haibin. They started prawning already. I swear it's a dead prawn pond la, hardly got anything for the first 2 hours. Smoked, waited, crapped, watched them prawn & pool. Saw many familiar faces and talked abit with them.

I lazy edit these photos of crap qualities already, so just bear with them. Finally, the person top up the quantity of prawns inside the pond and then Laykwan start fishing them out of the pond, but that fucker kwan kept making those prawns attacked me or something, arghhhhhhh! After the 2hours+ of prawning, they started BBQing them. Wilson kept bullying me, I don't know what he kept doing behind me la, haha irritate my life!

After BBQing, I think I start to have my foul mood back. I start to quiet down, start to think, don't feel like talking at all, haha. Bused back to my house nearby.

Laykwan and Eamonn being a nuisance on the bus. We went to Brian's house void-deck and wait for his mom to walk past or something, haha I also don't know for what. Sat at the see-saw, I really miss us. Gerald and Brian were being nice, they came to cheer me up. But sometimes, I think I'd be happier when being left alone. Hehe, okay so we got screened afterwards, wooooow. The feeling of getting screened damn memorable la, hahaha I'm like mad?

We talked about many things and then this pregnant cockroach start flying, freaking Laykwan and me out, haha! Decided to start working soon, 不可以没有钱啊。*frown* I've still got alot of plans!
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Haha, okay la, both of us were without make up. This picture was taken on 25th. Supposed to sleep over at Sheena's house, but went to find boyfriend instead. Laykwan came to take hulahoop, lame or lame? Haha, cabbed together and I alighted first. Went home and slept the whole day afterwards.

Interviews.

24th. I guess I've been really busy going out, I missed a really good job opportunity with Shafiel. He had been nagging at me since, how I know? Okay, I feel kind of bad too. Weiliang came up my house for smoke breaks while I'm still packing my room while waiting for Shafiel to reach.

Headed to Bugis with Shafiel. There's this guy who flashed a pedo look at us and Shafiel got freaked out when he got near me and stuck his hand out. Seriously what's with all the weird people I'm encountering whenever I'm out? Went to get Itouch back from Franco, then Shafiel and I practically kept walking rounds and rounds because we've totally no idea where's the place. Okay, I have totally no idea, I don't even know why I'm out for interviews, haha. The interview is scheduled at 2pm, but we're like an hour late? It's really kind of difficult to find.

The place is so quiet, after 3 storeys of escalators, you've to climb the stairs for 2 more storeys and then have to go through a few more doors to reach the destination. Complicated? Okay, just say yes. I think I got like major hearing problem and attitude problem, I kept "Huh? What she say ah?" to Shafiel but when that lady is giving me instructions, I go like, "Umm." "Orh." "Yes, okay." Haha, act smart!

I filled up the forms and we started going into the meeting room, then she start her really long naggy stories. Then she don't want to tell me the main point, my main concern is how much I would earn. So I asked directly and rejected on the spot, then she go like saying the job is really slack but seriously... I don't want to travel to town to be some order taker at Cold Storage. So that lady's face just changed on the spot and she goes on nagging about the commitment I'm supposed to have and that nowadays jobs ain't easy to find. Ok, tell me something I don't know, I'm just really not keen.

MRT to Tanjong Pagar to meet Crystal for another interview. I'm late again because the interview is scheduled at 3pm. Hahaha, gosh I seriously think I lack sincere in search of job. She guided my way there on the phone but she usually speaks really soft and I'm kind of frustrated cause I've got hearing problems. The place is really quiet and I'm kind of awkward to get in so I went to the ladies' to touch up then wait for her interview to be finished.

Took some pictures while waiting for my turn. I don't even know why I went there and didn't know the job positions they are offering, but the lady took me into the interview room and start questioning me. She go like, "So what kind of jobs are you looking for?" Then I go like, "Err.. I've got no idea. What kind of jobs do you offer?" Then she go like, "Well, you're a step late else I would recommend you for the promoter position." Then I'm like (???) so I said, "Oh so what else? I want $7/h kind, don't need wear uniform one." Then she said, "Huh? Like this abit difficult leh." Then I think I start to make ridiculous demands already, "I want to be really slack too, relaxing kind of job. I don't want to work till next year's March, I only want to work for a month." Then she go like, "Huh, like this very 困难 leh." Then I started laughing and say, "Then 没关系 lor, I also don't know why I'm here, haha!"

In the end, I guess both Crystal and I didn't get the job? I only know I just like sitting there and lazing around. Crystal laughed, she said she heard what I said and that I talked very loud. I think I'm more to stir troubles than finding a job for myself lor, I decided not to give unreasonable demands for my 3rd interview hahaha.

Guess where we head next? Gosh, to Suntec City again, boring anot? We didn't had time for our lunch and we are like starving, but we had to rush for the 3rd interview because it's a last minute decision. This time, the person that interview us is a nice guy, but I could hardly hear what he's speaking and I kept, "Huh?" "Huh? What you say?" Hahahaha omg then super awkward in the office cause I keep cannot hear.

I said I decided not to create unnecessary demands for my third interview right? Okay, I lied. I continued my nonsense, I don't even know what to say la. I think the whole day, I'm practically out to interviews without a purpose. Oh! I finally stopped having communication problem with the guy when he speaks Chinese, he didn't look like he's from China anyway. I started my unreasonable demands again, so I go like convenience + min. $6/hr pay + no uniform + manicured nails + untied hair + relaxing. And I think he just want to shut me up cause he everything also "OK" me, where got so good one? Hahahaha! The more he "ok", the more I add my demands hahaha, I really mad one.

The 3rd interview should be pretty successful for Crystal and I, I hope both of us get the job and could work together. But till now, we haven't receive any calls yet! O'well, I want $$$$ so pray hard I really get it!

Guess what's for dinner that day? BURGER KING AGAIN. I ate the same set meal I ordered previously, boring anot omg boring boring boring boring. I'm not stepping into Suntec/Marine Sq for this month already, hahahaha. A few days back, baby asked me to look for him but he's walking around Marina Square, ahhhhhhh no way so boring hahahaha. Okay, went home afterwards, tired maximum.

I can always be myself when I'm with you.

22nd. Went out with Crystal, I never once run out of topics to talk about whenever I'm with her. Oh well, I'm kind of late that day, I think? I'm never once exceptionally early anyway. I kept dragging the time to meet because I didn't have enough sleep and she's already wide awake, having her noodles while waiting for me to stop lazing on the bed.

Anyway, pictures that I post up are either taken by Itouch/Iphone. That explains the quality. I need to work real bad and get myself a camera! I've like heavy expenses this year and I can't cover without working. Why ah why, why $ so important, my life revolves around $ leh aiyo.

Waited for her at Buangkok MRT. Ridiculous anot? She kept calling to chase me wake up and then when I'm done, she said I'm lying and she haven't had her falsies on yet. She had an ulcer around her lower lips and she couldn't talk or smile very much, so it was hilarious seeing her facial expressions!

Headed to Suntec City, I couldn't even recall why we went there also. O'well, too hungry! Had Burger King for brunch, om nom nom. Oh! It's my first time wearing maxi dress, I think it's kind of awkward or perhaps I'm just not used to wear dresses over my knees, I felt so heavy that day. I dislike stares from strangers, it makes me feel like I'm strange or something, else why are you even looking at me like that? Haha!

I wore my comfiest shoes, so Crystal wouldn't have to bear my complains of having sore legs or getting blisters due to endless walking. But, sigh I think I'm troublesome lor. I had stomachache after brunch and kept whining, "肚子痛，肚子真的很痛。" I wonder how Crystal ehtahan me, haha.

Walked around Suntec City and couldn't get/see anything that interest us. So we went to Carrefour to walk walk, it's been a really long time since I stepped into that place.

Went to the children's section, all the babies' clothes make me feel like giving birth! Hahahaha gosh exaggerating or what? The milk sippy straws used to be really popular when they were first introduced into the market, I bought all the flavors that time and sipped with almost anything, like water etc but okay don't try cause yuck. Hahahaha! Crystal wanted to buy the chocolate flavored ones b/c her boyfriend only drinks chocolate milk but she decided to drop the idea cause she don't think that using those chocolate straws to drink from chocolate milk will get double chocolaty flavor. Haha I sound like I'm saying the kokocrunch advertisement line, loooooool.

Went to walk around to shop since we got bored of Carrefour. Was busy talking to Crystal, I didn't realize that there's this Westerner walking towards us and he's so rude please? He fucking gripped my ass and I had no idea how to react, okay la actually my reaction was pretty slow. Crystal and I turned around and he winked at us. Gosh? Okay can. Then I kept thinking if he did it on purpose and felt like T_T when Crystal kept repeating his actions. Kind of pissed but I guess he don't mean it? Urgh. Oh! That fucker is a stalker la. He hide behind a pillar to look at both of us, fucking creepy.

Crystal started over-reacting and kept staring at him. Then we walked to Marina Square. Guess what? We saw him there again. Freaky or what? Then we walked the opposite direction, then he started following us. Kind of sick in the mind?

I regretted giving the idea of taking videos through my Itouch, Crystal started taking videos everywhere and acting like she's some psycho news reporter, she eat also take one video, go where also take one video, really very lame. Memories started flashing when I walked past the Cinema, hmm... sigh nevermind.

Headed back to Carrefour afterwards, to get our glass bottle drinks. They are really cute, I'm keeping those bottles to drink other beverages, hahahaha. There's people guessing Crystal and my age, maximum 23 and minimum 18. So awkward, Crystal kept denying and she showed her I/C to the lady and that lady go like, "Er I don't know count how many years leh, I just don't believe you're this young." or something like that.

Nom a little while walking and then accompanied Crystal to have her KFC for dinner and walked back to Carrefour because that fickle-minded bitch finally decided what she should buy after 3 trips there. MRT-ed and home by 11pm+. This is like the 1st time ending a day so late with Crystal.

Prawning.

Before I continue about prawning on 21/11, I shall talk about 18th. Guess who's birthday is it? Haha, it's none other than my beloved baby brother! Gosh, he's really so fortunate, if it was someone else's birthday, I probably wouldn't even give a flying fuck, haha! I came home at 7am and slept till 2pm to start preparing and headed to CCK to meet Franco with Yati and cabbed down to Warren Country Club.

His birthday cake is so adorable, angry bird! Stayed at Warren till 12am and cabbed home, was exhausted. I didn't had enough rest but Verine said she needed an urgent heart to heart talk with me, so I went to look for her nearby and we talked till 2am. Then I got so tired, I suggested coming up my house, since she wanted to wait for first bus. I think she's insane? She didn't tell me earlier, else I wouldn't tank till 4am with her, I would probably slept all the way. So we puffed and then headed to bed at 4am+ and woke up in the afternoon. She left my house and I get to sleep all the way.

Happy birthday, Felix Goh! ♥
Jiejie haven't got you anything yet, but I believe it wouldn't be any problem since you have a long list of toys you wanted. O'well, I think you're too mature for your age, when I'm like K2, I'm so excited to have my birthday celebrated in school! You still say you paiseh, don't want your friends to sing birthday song for you. How old only, know the world paiseh? When I'm your age, I'd probably be using the word 'shy' instead, hahaha! I don't think I even know what's 'embarrassed'. Anyway, I hope you're enjoying yourself overseas now, you're one lucky chap!

I love you and want the best for you.
May you have this inner child with you even when you get older. :)
You frown pretty much for a K2 child, ha ha!






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Okay, back to 21st! I'm supposed to meet baby first before going to prawning, but he took like forever to come back from school. So I went to find Sheena first! Puffed while she's preparing and then headed to Rivervale Plaza to look for baby and om nom nom at KFC. It was kind of awkward because they weren't talking to each other and soon both got kind of frustrated at me cause I kept forcing both parties to speak. Hahaha, Laykwan came afterwards!

Waited for bus with baby and went back to find Sheena and Laykwan. There's this pasarmalam at Rivervale Plaza, so hairpy! It's been a long time since I ate at pasarmalam, bought lots of food! n_n

Walked 3 handphone covers stalls with Sheena, she's so fickle-minded and couldn't make up her mind at all. So Laykwan and me started camwhoring while waiting for her. When I finished my food, she just made up her mind which cover she should purchase. Bus back to Rivervale Mall and met Eamonn and Zhequan, sat at Study Corner to cock for awhile and then bus to Punggol.

Headed to Punggol Billard and watched Zhequan, Sheena and Eamonn play pool. Had so much fun pissing Laykwan off and having her chasing me around, the place is too quiet and saw many familiar faces. Went out to puff and Wilson came, he changed alot. Then waited for Donovan, Seewei and co to arrive then accompanied Seewei to nom at Popeye's. He took his own sweet time to nom.

Went prawning afterwards, it's my first time prawning. I didn't get to hold the rod for the first hour we prawned, I'm too busy catching the guppies in the water. Seewei and I tried to be funny, I swear! I tried to use the tissue packet and the paper cup Seewei had to catch the guppies, but failed. Gosh, but the water is disgusting, it's like yellow? I think it's the prawns' urine hahaha.

Sent Sheena off and came back to Haibin. Seewei very lihai lor, he caught 2 guppies! Then he haolian, but his method of catching is stupid lah, maybe because he's short hence it's easier for him to do so. Then Laykwan's friend kept catching prawns, very impressive k! Then Donovan so nice, he let me hold those prawns to chase after Laykwan, Seewei etc. So fun! I think I'm kind of bored there so I keep taking those creatures to play.

Jerry is so quiet throughout and saw Ahdai & Jeff, long time no see them. I think in between, there's some problem with other people, I'm too busy catching guppies with Seewei, I didn't went to kpo and ask haha! Gerald came afterwards and we prawned for like 3 hours? I caught 2 big prawns, so proud of myself! They got claws okay, ha ha but I never take pictures. Had a talk with the uncle there, he's so adorable, we talked about having a job there and he asked me to talk to the manager, I don't want lah, I'm kidding only! 

Seewei caught a pregnant guppy with the net and I'm too busy fishing with my hands, I dropped the net into the bottom of the pond. But I settled it easily okay! Because I spoil the rod's hook by fishing a stone accidentally, so I decided to spoil it further by fishing the net up and then act like 'why the hook suddenly spoil' to the uncle and he changed it for me. Hahaha! I kind of enjoyed prawning. 

BBQ the prawns but I only ate one. My naval got infection because of that, kind of troublesome. O'well! We kept asking those taxi uncles if it's possible to drive 5 people but they kept rejected due to road block. Okay doesn't even make sense but w/e, decided to cab home with darling instead! She's kind of in the bad mood but hopefully everything's alright already! Home sweet home by 1am. 

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What I want is not freedom, is understanding from you. What you promised, you've to fulfill. You don't hold my hopes high and put me down as and when you like, it's miserable. How are you going to set a good example if you don't keep your words? Sick of having cold wars with you every holidays, I don't want the same cycle repeating every year. I'm no longer the insensible child, I've grown up, don't you realized? You're too busy seeing my negative points, when will you learn to appreciate and know what I've done to prove you wrong? I will insist what I did, I won't give in easily, I believe you expected it too.

Finally reopen my blog.

Hello! It's been a really long time that I'd blogged and I really do miss it. I'm no longer on hiatus, my O'levels had finished but I've got no confidence in going anywhere, I guess I'll have to retake once again. Or perhaps, if ITE don't mind taking me in, I'll consider going for that.

Shall give brief updates on what I've been up to recently. Went to MBS to be waitress with Jillian, Alvin and a few others but I have only reported for work once and gave myself a week break already. I'm going for interviews with Shafiel and then Crystal tomorrow, hopefully I can find the kind of job I want.
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Went Zirca on 17th, didn't go for the graduation prom night. Met Joan at Hougang MRT station, it's like almost a year since I've seen her and I thought it would be pretty awkward to go out, just the both of us. But unexpectedly, everything turned out great and we spent the whole day together.

We had Burger King for brunch and walked around town, talking about almost everything. Perhaps due to the long period of time of not catching up with each other, we had endless topics to talk about. Headed to Clarke Quay and sat down for a long heart to heart session, the night scenery there was beautiful, bubbles were everywhere and it had the Christmas atmosphere, I really loved it there.

Waited for Vernice to come, she took like forever? Angel and Kuvakoh came, both of them were kind of anxious? Haha, waited at Burger King for the queen and headed to Zirca afterwards. Baby came to find me, he always have this grumpy look on his face, I've no idea why.

Baby went off afterwards to eat or something? I got kind of frustrated with those buyers that promised to go and ended up giving me airplanes, had some difficulties over some matters and gave up selling tickets, climbed through those 'fences'? I've no idea what you called them, but was hesitating quite a period because I'm wearing dress. Haha but climbed through in the end. Saw many familiar faces and enjoyed my night although it's very boring. What a pity that Angel and Kuvakoh went home halfway, oh well I guess they were kind of pissed with everything too.

Party the night away and bade goodbye with Vernice. Her whole mind was her boyfriend that night and she kept tearing because her darling went home. Doesn't even make sense lor seriously, you guys can meet at home or something what, haha! Cabbed back to Sengkang with Joan and had traditional breakfast at kopitiam, really memorable. Now that she's overseas, hopefully she's enjoying herself at Hongkong and I shall find time to meet her when she's back.